然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFwCYBCYMb
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwGrYca64i
/401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoMerzM0Ls
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnZ8w9AUXS
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcN5H8szmd8
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1haVwaSZK
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpM4HFhwDC0
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bS5FX7oke
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSHr9vwAQA
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUiAmgBmOq
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNkw3okFaX
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJqjaHUJzB
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDpidFklsW
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5ItxGDL5R
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmdDcBBeZ4
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf6Ov0LCtR
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbhnh6Vqg6
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEASzZz118
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DcFqWdix1
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSDuJrV7Ak
他心情不好便會打她。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHNgabcOvU
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99xrMwvGJb
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfc0NtDvjmx
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYux58Qy5v
一下一下打下去。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCAaaAv5DU
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aZTVAFAvA
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvsgueck10
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaNuMCIt0h
「我無唔聽話呀！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfqW0INoTQ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sChGEpP8R
「仲講大話！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwNiaWrcJ0
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVQfLwYgyH
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSZU91aPkX
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fJzNp2ely
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ953eJEyqEq
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooAbp6xOi8
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEZMKMMBlO
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEoboLNbSn
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVG7iFpTLu
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1w976bgVhc
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43R4wEVcxO
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrkFDaYRzB
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CwBNxvnpZ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1kLyF26Z8
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKONqskB3ik
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aXzfKLeMU
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUvEPMpGFR
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMG5mv93ko
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1dPMAL9wt
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaizuuFnyA8
/401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2ZnhS5C6H
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMIh20G0j4
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJS4Uth0Tx
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYFItRNAuR
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1D7xrieJES
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHQygSv4TZ
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDsmWhhMQW
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnxoiIiQxB
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOapOnbYCgt
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Gvfry5Q7F
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOF0uuSDHWp
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzux2ncRXyv
「熊仔去咗邊？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYi14XNY33
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwii6amR5o0
「我抌咗。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K4u51Oq4t
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZRMzp9r49
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yp2vzVOAj
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡii2HhhJO6J
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83f5dsxgbk
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9SszzyTz9
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ022sRxLV6n
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ740Bvtjbeu
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kYkO8dqq4
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz388fdlTEK
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGS2nPzzGf
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQndnH7Vuk4
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMp4EFZAeT
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUX3ZB8tMVt
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFWLq2z40t
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwB8p49QhM
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLUBXHhrBT
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHKM1Ar5iu
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPIutiA7Ix
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudpjAAEWXv
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypDKAuCQb8
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8c24iUdwFP
/401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2eMg1yW9R
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCSzpKdTxI
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQe9hNMr0u
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtlt9K4dpi
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMr8CzNESD
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYL0FmKoNu
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sRB2TT870
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHujwWbvPqT
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubU3tY8mYU
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HqNqL3pDI
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLTCGlHiky
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EPE34oMr2
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpaRqOxhfk
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeq7DZ69hlz
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjsJqJhcL4
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIPoTyRcEq
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsWqWx769z
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLy5lzl8C3
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqNo13Xt2t
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLz7cmwboL
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM71TRNmQu2
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOPIJKOhl9
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLyCieK9jy
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaY7Y3y9ry5
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyXrk29068
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzj0xPkzPR
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSbY0YztIn
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTc4zrpsHh
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwxaDKNHhv
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1G310NFx8m
直至父親又打家姐。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF54ZF1oBxx
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp11IOglqbS
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvN1tK8bkoJ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVG6byV7k3q
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hjj40ZD7a
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLHBN3BR4L
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5bgrWOAOQ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBmejUaFfE
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6Po1eBV4f
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4PgbDkciI
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDuhoZXPVz
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvC0WDyFOp
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7BvSp9qGJ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6RZAQJrCk
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eGgT9Sszo
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxFYkehMp9
「我無！」家姐搖頭。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRqXQmhulx
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2ztBj0JyH
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22CBIGun50
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijr9tyjQC6
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aJG6TtBbf
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfRGIiAo5r
「多謝阿爸。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4cV6xbe1J
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrcMh22nwP
家姐推了林蓁落地。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMpA1hREW2
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiWqfP01pM
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMVa2Xqhxn
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17wK1trmGw
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiOlAR3eEz
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILfv8jAlUl
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAFVrUXVvP
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iaOvQvvdb
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPV9GPyZ8P
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZLfbfy9Ty
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5OLNMGQUH
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2Ho6Ksx9R
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdD9jYMDWy
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmYe06SIBv
/
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0FFxK8MLg
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlB2FJyh0tp
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4B6W3lrS5q
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4dDeRC0z9
and then Add to home screen.