the way i feel

as you are, not what i want you to be

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDIP7Ms79v

What I love about you isn’t solely based on the perception or impression you give me or the rest of the world.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDynWyazqQA

What I love about you are all the reasons why you don’t believe I can love you or that anyone should love you to the depths that I do.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYoKxXcMwa

Your strengths and grace in what you know and are may make you beautiful, but your weaknesses and insecurities make you perfect for me.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvSFKXfgHs

When I look into your eyes, I see what other men choose not to see. I accept what other men can’t or won’t accept. Choosing to love you will be the easiest thing I’ll ever do, but losing you will be the hardest feat I’d have to overcome.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqy4dwF9geB

I can’t promise in the future, I won’t harm you. I can’t promise that I’ll always be the perfect man.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8nG8zjdg9

What I can promise is to learn from my mistakes, to have patience with you even when I don’t have patience with myself and to trust you with every fiber of my being. We may live to grow old together, we may not.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5peiAZ6fcw

No matter when, no matter what time we have now I’ve come to realize the paradox I find myself in: It will always be enough and it will never be enough; I will always be blessed as I will always be cursed.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iEYTyB2iZ
Every day that passes makes me joyful because I’m free of the delusion that someone couldn’t love me, when I’m with you I don’t have to hide who I truly am, who I’ve forgotten I could be.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdqvQnEiDa

Every day that passes makes me miserable because I know I have fewer days with you than I’d like. If I could have one wish, it would be to go back in time and relive all the moments we’ve shared.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0v6eWW9HCK

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly because none of the great memories would have ever existed without our struggles. The pain has helped us love harder, appreciate the time we have, and give us the patience to love each other in all our forms.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPSZ9UR4ud

I vow to love you as you are and not stand in the way of who you want to be. I love you, and I vow to love you for the rest of my life, regardless of where this journey takes us.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkE5rA5QYow

For you, I would do anything and everything, all you have to do is ask.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcduJI545lh

Solo

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8M44pHw01I

I have never been much of a talker, I’m comfortable with blending in the background and letting the rest have their fun.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vQgJV26z3

It's hard enough for me to focus and get outside of my head, so being in the present or having a conversation is truly difficult and sometimes feels like an impossible task.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzLB8Xq7GU

Don’t get me wrong, when I speak and join in, it's fulfilling and people tend to be fond of me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to partake in any social environment.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoSKDHC2u2

I thrive in isolation, especially when I get my hands on a project dealing with creativity or using my imagination whether it is to create music, write, digital art, or an invention for random issues that I am ill-equipped to bring to fruition outside of the digital realm and into reality.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKul20Bm8xh

If I’m not in a constant state of flow, I don’t feel any purpose and shortly begin to lose interest in anything at hand that doesn’t seem productive.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxca0T5oGGL

What doesn’t help is that none of my creations have any substance outside of my laptop, it's so much easier to create, save, and then return to it later without committing to more.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwTJ976UwG

All I am is committed to fantasizing about what I feel would make my life better; falling in love with the random girl who stares at me from across the room, waiting for her to smile at me so I can approach while thinking of a hundred different conversations we could have and the best way for me to make a good impression.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SdPfhq7vx

I think about a life with this person; how our worlds would collide and we’d both be better off for it until finances get in the way, my living situation being back home with my parents, my sobriety which will always mean I’m an addict whether I am sober or not.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCQsG5obrM

In minutes I think of everything that could go right, and then everything that could go wrong. I’ve always been in love with falling in love.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNKZAA62M2

It's beautiful because love encompasses everything, there’s pain, sorrow, guilt, vanity, and sacrifice, but on the other hand, there is joy, passion, and companionship, that takes dedication, commitment, communication, and choosing to love and be with someone every day, in all of their forms.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MSunrTTqr

Honesty

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9usFUUtlU

None of it matters the finances, the weight, my looks, my intelligence, my job, my mental illness, my routine, etc.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06VkjAsR5B

It’s just all an excuse because I don’t deserve love.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsviN1NJCyk

I have vehemently pushed aside good things, good friends, good relationships, especially good women.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aAFWrDlE2

I don’t want to feel like I deserve it.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38W7VL9dAy

I don’t want to make the time to actually improve, I just want to live doing the minimal, avoiding as much pain as possible.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHfYvdHo7D

I don’t have control and I never will. I am sad. I feel lonely, but at this point, this must be what I want.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmgUeQen3I

In any relationship, I refuse to get close unless the other person can provide me with comfort and ease.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJJWxqFLGZ

I’m a narcissist, I only feed off of other people like a leech, a parasite, more like a vampire.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rlNVFf8eS

Being sensitive and conforming all the time has become my nature.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMSSuYAUGw

Im not only addicted to Alcohol, Nicotine, and Marijuana.…

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQHesUpKHH

Im addicted to suffering and draining the people who love me most because I’m not even sure I love them the way they love me.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ9ceOnOFM

I just don’t try,

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppJyybl889

I don’t want to try. Its easier to be everything, but me. Its less complicated.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ680J7PvJwr

I dont want to be scrutinized because I already know how terrible I am as a human being.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGgqhMS6Qw

I can’t even say I’ve tried hard not be everything I hate. I am extremely intelligent and I limit myself.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYADThhli7

I make unwise choices because when I hate failing.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19uDdKjMcx

I hate being feeling less. I hate being less, actually I love being less.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7fEbpirWV

Confusion and complexity is the only thing I strive for which is why I never want to work on myself.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGt3X42DtN

I could read an unquantifiable number of books, do drugs, sleep with anyone, fall in love with anyone and it’ll never be enough.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PuLWaWbVv

I will never be enough for myself and that is why I will never be anything more than what I am today or what I was the day before and I’m not okay with that, but I’m scared. I’m deathly afraid of me, I don’t know if I could even handle knowing the person I have become.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmOZQThUCd

I wish I had the courage to liberate myself instead of always convincing myself to liberate others.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ682DLudnVo

Fond Of

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYV2xWpjxV

What im fond of..

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBG1V9ufpX

I am fond of memories, until im not

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmu1nUhIT2

I am fond of love, until im not

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujsh04stCy

I am fond of fairytales, until im not

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzQyzPlukI

I am fond of family, until im not

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PP9NqS4Pt

I am fond of life, until im not

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWq2yTYn7F

I am fond of giving, until im not

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡru73RD4MsO

I am fond of you because this.. I cannot and will not stop

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6Wq6GhoFZ

Paranoia

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQD2624BvzI

Every day, being aware of your thoughts, but not just the act of thinking.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡde9HtYaoqE

Organizing, Rationalizing, and battling the sequence, the line of insecurities, the paranoia, the way I perceive the world around me.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkgbgOdCAW

Its the same assumption, more like accusations every 24 hours:

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDpeUSUFmI

Are they laughing at me?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkl36HNkh7W

Do they think I’m ugly?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBIgwT2fLn

Do they laugh because I’m ugly?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaFcRkpFay

They must be looking at me because there is something wrong with me.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0E7VEOHvE

Is there something wrong with me?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdJh18oS1a

Why do I care? Why do I let myself care?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCoAXxsIMn

Is she looking at me?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYv82aZLJnT

I wish she would look at me.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjO3tZsxxA

Why isn’t she interested?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39RVjZqjHv

Do I even want her to be interested?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JjcOzKV2W

Its better if she isn’t.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyr14kkzaGR

Im not in the right head space, financial stability, patience, looks, or the fact I’m not interesting enough.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQfVUlK41W

Am I enough?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5omkS1Sj1d

Will I ever be enough?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOeQAinQdB

If I eat this am I going to be fat?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Ib8wljYYX

Am I going to be even more unattractive?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEQWSCZwPo

If I don’t pray, if I don’t show gratitude, if I don’t give mercy to others, how can I expect it from God?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMznDZkiNB

Does god even want to hear from me?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDf10uYxVK7

I don’t want to pray because Im tired and it feels like a waste of my time.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XwXrkTdwP

When I do speak to God, does he take the time to listen when I have doubts, practically have zero faith?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfgofsR9qH

Am I just a loser who lives at home with Mom and Rick? Are they helping me or am I just manipulating them?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqY8IWc8lM

Love Her

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZZADb7AtJ

How can I begin to liberate myself from this burden of loops consisting of only what ifs?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtfWhU2fRv

Some days I think about you until dawn.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJoREtTcYJ

Most days now, I am restless.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiElq3VxFe1

Producing, then digesting mountains of fantasies hoping theirs a side of you that sees what I do.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5chEFo2TSk

Still, we repel and with each passing moment, I bleed.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZVApKuK8K

I lose all sense of consciousness and am yours.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFCKzCC26l

Am I fool or a hopeless romantic?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S77uBJ1Tv

Is there a clear distinction between the two?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEisSLLVqpC

I find myself treading along a silver lining.

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She believes she’s lead by kismet, but how can that be with a leash around its neck?

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0AnHbNBEj

This path she walks erodes her.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRDQGukLFx

It erodes me.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgJDCThcdh

I feel it on her skin when we touch.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqgUSfh3HT

Spiraling

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGqLbAkEEy

I am losing my mind all over again and I’m afraid of what can and will happen next.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdgppsI3OQ

There is so much that I need, but I think they are just things I want which is a huge difference.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaF9bVvnIP6

Its not a bad to want something, but to cling onto it as if it’ll fix everything, or the key to my happiness is where I fall short.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSGxGcWsHA

I keep on focusing on the outside, external factor that are the issue, but I don’t attempt to fix the broken pieces inside of me.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIZ07yv4NW

I need to be validate in everything I do, or else I’ll never be good enough.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuAYpKZIJj

There is a wickedness inside of me that I feed.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBP1pFyEG1

I believe in all the negative and rarely the positive.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBvFzEBiMI

I am getting much better and more mindful about the decisions and life choices im making, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52pclnQkgZ

Because im not. I’m not okay.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBmbpOqDgv

I dont want to with anyone because im scared of being rejected.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5C2bBrZUG

Im scared of getting close to someone else and not pulling through or giving them too much of me.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsRi7TRVSN

I know that if I got to that point and something bad happens like a break up, too many fights, different life plans/future, I’d be utterly devastated.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJptv8KoxjA

I can barely hold myself together as is.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eVQbK7kPA

I wake up in the morning when I wish I could be dreaming.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOBSiqPpMW

I go downstairs and make myself an awesome smoothie with strawberries, bananas, cinnamon sugar almond butter oats and some milk.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7jA81Qlm1

Its really fucking good.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgbAj7IM0Y

I watch tv for about an hour or less, take my medicine and then head to the gym.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnd2CJQJqJm

I park my car closer to the bank which is further away from Planet Fitness because I like walking the distance.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8euzBHPaRb

I enter the gym, swipe my barcode with my membership and ask for 20 minutes on the Hydromassage.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIt0vGbYR9C

After I go stretch for 10 to 15 minutes, lift for another 20 to 30 minutes, then walk for an hour while reading my books.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKu4Q3KXHm

I get to read like 30 pages which I really enjoy, but lately its all felt monotonous, I am struggling to do the things that I used to really enjoy.

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I stretch for another 10 to 15 minutes or hit the hydromassage for another 10 minutes.

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This is when I leave and head back home.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmXgakE9jb

Going back home I look forward to eating, sometimes showering, making myself eggs , drinking some protein powder (double chocolate).

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdjAf0cnrX

I sit to watch something on Netflix, Hulu, Prime or YouTube while promoting my music.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEfgVyI2sM

Sometimes Ill make music, sometimes, Ill write a story or create some digital art.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSsGu5bV3D

Lately, I’ve been getting into rom coms and feel good movies to distract myself.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87euAXIp67

I want to be convinced that something good lies ahead.

776Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadP75GvrrK

I want to believe that something real and tangible is going to happen.

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