Chapter One; As Time Passed, We Grow Further Apart
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Have you ever found yourself asking a question you know that has no clear answer? The kind of question that makes you think deeply—one that, no matter how many ideas you gather, reasons you list, or how honestly you try to answer, still feels like something’s missing or not quite right. The kind of question that makes you second guess your answer; Am I answering this right?
Time alone already makes a huge difference—so what more the uncertain things that could shift, fade, or grow as it passes? Just like everything else in this world, acknowledging and accepting your feelings for someone is a process that takes time. So is moving on and letting go—it takes time, often more than we expect.
Six months—it’s been that long since I awkwardly admitted to myself that I had feelings for you. And it has been almost four months since I started trying to force those feelings to fade. Crazy how time makes a huge difference; one moment we were just ourselves, laughing, happy, together, and the next, distance lingered between us, as if the moments we once shared were meant to be left in the past.
“How are you?” A question that I could easily ask you without having to think twice, now only a message I type out, stare at, and never send. In fact, that’s not the only message I’ve typed out and left unsent, that’s just one of many.
There’s so much I’ve wanted to say—stories I long to share, moments when I quietly wish you were right here with me. But the truth is, I’ve been holding back. Not because I’ve stopped wanting you, but because I still do. And feeling that way, knowing we both chose to draw a line between us, hurts in a way words could never fully explain.
As the days went by, I found myself unconsciously thinking about you—sometimes in quiet moments, other times in the middle of my busiest days. It’s like your presence lingers in the background of my thoughts, no matter how much time has passed. And ever since I realized that, I’ve been trying—really trying—to convince myself that the best and kindest thing I can do for myself is to move forward. To let life unfold without holding on to the hope that you might come back or that things might return to the way they used to be. It’s not easy, and some days it feels like I’m taking two steps forward and one step back.
For all the time we’ve spent apart, I can feel that you’ve changed. You may not say it outright, but something in you is different—I can sense it in the way you carry yourself, in the silence between our words. And truthfully, I’d love to know what’s changed. I’ve always known you on a deeper level, but I’m also aware that there are parts of you I’ve never seen, stories I’ve never heard, emotions you’ve never voiced. And those sides of you—I want to know them too. Because even after everything, there’s still a part of me that wants to understand the version of you that’s grown while we’ve been apart.
But how can I, when I can’t even bring myself to ask you the simplest question—How are you?
The weight of everything we’ve left unsaid has made my love quiet—unspoken, perhaps, but no less real.
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