" I Don’t Think Anyone Would Notice If I Stopped Showing Up" - #2 — Even When I’m in the Room, It Feels Like I’m Not

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdvsC6eTW5

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQd4r2W45Hz

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvrVDl0MfA

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJm3m3i5eyc

Lena sat beside me in class today.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bIjnciSsx
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ502KjJ8glo
She leaned over and asked, “You okay?”

I said, “Yeah, just tired.”83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7CnyYdZW9
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziyQDnXd3j
She smiled like that was enough.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCB5gB82jX
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJ9VZKf6dT
I smiled back — the kind you practice in mirrors so nobody asks twice.

It worked. It always does.

Later, Eli dropped something in the group chat. A plan. Movies, drinks, the usual Saturday noise.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIvxpGLagL
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQrKS240Wz
Everyone reacted. I gave it a thumbs up, muted the chat, and closed the app like it burned to hold it.

I don’t hate people. I just hate feeling like I don’t exist around them.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p8zVltYRQ
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5zR54Vsk2
Even when I’m there, fully present, it still feels like I’m watching my life from behind glass.

I listen to people laugh and wonder what it feels like to actually mean it.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2xDM7BXxD
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8og6Qxqyd
I speak when I have to. I show up when it matters.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEG4mBsU2Y
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bEKLvgSSC
But everything I say feels like I’m lip-syncing someone else’s life.

It’s not that I want anyone to chase me.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvFgZIWq9J
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2Mla6WNwv
I just want someone to notice that I’m drifting.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvT9XL4QXn
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQqh9dvOOs
Someone to stop smiling and actually look me in the eyes and say,

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyQXvxXGdQ
“Something’s wrong. Don’t lie to me.”83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6GeMuH5Ko

But no one ever does.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOoSVaFR61
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwznLOOmqi
They believe the smile. They always believe the smile.

And I don’t blame them.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKj7L5kTRT
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpl9uqAov4S
I’ve made it easy.

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7EwwuoC0v

I left my journal open on purpose this time.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9EN1E7TTH
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CjQoNF64r
Page bookmarked.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0WRXmvhRC
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡno5Kjfj5iX
Highlighting one line I hoped someone would read:

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ki3znT7cR
“If you’re reading this, I don’t want to disappear quietly.”83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXwGzSRlLq

I didn’t lock my room when I left.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLZcqYIqSp
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKJe5e2hIB
I just want to see who actually comes looking.

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqwORRF5Ov

Thank you for reading. If this felt real to you, follow for the issue 3— I’m just getting start

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLeq5CaVwa

Issue 3 drops in [like “2 days”]

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqx5lupBC7W

83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHOtx6Nk4j

ns216.73.216.168da2