|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfvJkSompb
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQOIBqKk8n
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwuTCH5m3r
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqNrzxs915
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuaJO3T4N6
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xTdKgu6FO
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhgWsJIgO4
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdMVU4xPET
You’ve got the wrong Eli.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVFPpfFMeW
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡER6PVSs1lt
aka Eli Martin
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfc81hnAb2T
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIEK7RR6hL
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDp1UkGdHT
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRum5MBtFrD
definitely wrong eli.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EvZDxPJTT
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJLrxlI0WT
sincerely,82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1GHMokRdU
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgqAfRfTkz
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIaHUzAQGm
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHtM7yVYwC
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8JjSm9pbQ
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxCg1JuSkx
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6D2F25pYe
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY6ufuFQwn
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsY5GfngEp
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxd4l2qvi9W
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X97hoPlTQ
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOM6rFIyBfJ
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCx69XqLwk
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetGK4vkeGG
is this our meet-cute?82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPEvZUsYot
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuvtxD132q
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAUGPvMtsP
but i might be a decent one
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzz2a2dzy1
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkQHHvOBpE
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDNgYGvxxT
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGbl8UW7vu
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXlPwqMyrr
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQI5NW5rf5
professional emailer of strangers
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBahmGU9cCW
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdUEWIgJCB
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrVJpo1m8O
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFIVVMlhvw
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTonezbidUN
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1V0BHuLmR
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5qVg1jELp
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGnLm0ucSk
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IGmGFspbg
and then Add to home screen.