From: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iTHW1ERBK
To: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15optPtsAl
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8g4ZTT3wh
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIx9iVYPvx
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPR5h5Nd8g
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDbVrtPX1a
To: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NmaWWNUyK
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwr31gPrdR
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoWr8uNpII
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8JH2YzapT
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzK5pXfLON0
To: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLlJnAjwIJ
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9KyDeeo3K
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FuOKdTqR8
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aQCk2VTha
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4nIBODKk2
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaJaTmF5h9
To: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NJnlMmsMg
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSRXTVL6MF
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQtefGpEMi
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDO1uXJvv0U
To: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIaIV0IagQ
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJRquzFpLj
and never speak of feelings again.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6OpO5B6y8
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39xVUHP0EA
what would you write in a breakup text?92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGXpAmTc5j
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwvQf5pdtb
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqRSsKGYVr
To: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3RDq7OjVb
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNDZmvTpTi
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknn9jtJYNg
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFJJzUIFjT
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eBvBI1ekb
To: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigWzw306gK
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLNPBWslVk
that was weirdly lovely.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3poPP2bOoy
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GnZW29yPd
was there a form i missed?92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1NgFPdEft
should i be sending muffins?
— maya92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtVZgw61Zf
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwe5t4nyyI
To: [email protected]92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6IHbSIhQCl
Subject: it’s official
congrats.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUBTS0Wcor
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1V2mroBF1
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCJyLg4PqB
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlmkCPhi7d
friend of font victims
92Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8FIXqLjN0
and then Add to home screen.