"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNWuupUFr2
To: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYT9CJAayB9
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7xGyaWxF2
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXfswqAxpx
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YcWWLXLa3
it’s a mood.
– maya66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVbF0YCoOL
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5g9nEAOto
To: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDupmjZhXOb
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7sN3Wswwf
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJUZ9U3RK8
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnP1jWnWnhP
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xXRbPpS8f
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiLTpbiIdD
To: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaakDTfLuQd
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFMqrNt4PW
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHLfWedEWX
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkbBfmga4s
To: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeu8jjPjjIu
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOSKBI2k50
i have goosebumps.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBY8nWaOqKk
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpo5rXsuuVU
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqUiIZ5xdI
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7JxltwMw9
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdsYzpB9t2
To: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ziSTuqu1C
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMxm1m4yRp
you passed the vibe check.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjo9BebEHB
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqs45UiFw68
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyk6s4gbqiG
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7tKQAdbLI
To: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTbGd2sYpG
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1OXtCuUuQ
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9YnXlNl4u
i did cry.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8fUWA7f7X
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC67gba2nik
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9FjxG5mrN
To: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtO2KUY2Mu
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2v24u3CBm
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdkHL6CXs6
To: [email protected]66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghifdz2hjm
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcwiyXxvxL
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUNbiB9BRV
together we’re like...66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSa7CGYexJm
the emotional avengers.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8satwRbBMx
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HkYYX9VwL
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUd3AvE1ADj
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUXUWl9DJq
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1S5hAr8h5
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4sa32keyH
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIWvRNE0K9
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DNtmPQXXs
screamed into a spoon. felt better.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ArCCOq8VN
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6S1i9m1K5
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBK1Iv4gXqz
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ550jMSeo2H
the rain cried for me.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62DNXhAiWQ
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6pKPXcUUT
i do not condone murder. but i understand.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQAMR1jlJ6
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfLtIbX0FX
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXI6LVu2RSl
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHSXz6TBBZ
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli66Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VGajsEZlY
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.